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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23178748">You’ll never be alone, I’ll be there for you</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/benhalfway/pseuds/benhalfway'>benhalfway</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Ballum One Shots [3]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Ballum, EastEnders (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Army, Comfort, Emotional, Flashbacks, Kind of a bit fluffy I guess?, M/M, PTSD, Sad, Trauma, mental health</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-03-18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-03-18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 15:35:57</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,027</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23178748</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/benhalfway/pseuds/benhalfway</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Callum has a PTSD episode because of the fireworks on Bonfire Night and Ben does what he can to help.</p><p>(I suck at summaries, sorry)</p><p>—</p><p>The title is a quote from the song "I’ll Be There" by Jess Glynne, which is the song that was playing at the end of Callum's coming out episode ❤️</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Callum "Halfway" Highway/Ben Mitchell</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Ballum One Shots [3]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1571590</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>37</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>You’ll never be alone, I’ll be there for you</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> <em>Bang!</em> </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> <em>"Halfway! Get outta the way!"</em> </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> <em>Boom!</em></span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> <em>"Halfway, it ain't worth it! Come on, just get away from there!"</em> </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> <em>Bang!</em></span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> <em>"I've got him! Chris, take him. I just need to get his mother-"</em> </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> <em>Bang!</em></span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> <em>"Halfway, for fuck sake!"</em> </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> <em>"Nonono, get off me! I need to help her-"</em> </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> <em>Bang!</em> </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> <em>Boom!</em> </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> <em>"NOOOO!"</em> </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">—</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Callum curled further into himself as the excruciatingly loud bangs of the fireworks went off outside, echoing throughout the square.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He was a shaking, blubbering mess and all he wanted – no, <em>needed</em> – was Ben. He felt trapped, suffocated and alone.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He'd been curled up in the corner of his and Ben's room for what felt like an eternity, but was realistically about half an hour, having flashback after flashback about his time in the army.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The time he saved a little boy from a field full of landmines but couldn't save the boy's mother. The time a bomb went off and he was injured by the shrapnel. The time he was shot.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He felt as though he was still there, stuck in an endless nightmare that he couldn't wake up from.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He could still see the bodies, the blood and the explosions; he could hear the gunshots, the bombs and the screams and wails of innocent people being brutally murdered; he could still smell the smoke from all of the explosions. His senses had gone into overdrive.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">"Honey, I'm homeee!" Ben sang jokingly as he walked through the door, unintentionally slamming it shut before waltzing into the living room where he expected to see Callum.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Callum just about heard the slam of the door and the loud voice booming through the flat, but he couldn't quite make out who the voice belonged to or what they were actually saying.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Upon seeing that Callum wasn't in the living room, Ben furrowed his brows before looking at his watch. The clock read 18:31. Surely Callum hadn't gone to bed this early, right?</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">"Callum?" He called, turning on his heel and heading towards the bedroom.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He couldn't hear anything coming from the room so he suspected that perhaps Callum had come home from work, exhausted and unintentionally crashed.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">As he pushed open the door, slowly and quietly, he was met with complete darkness. He looked over to the bed, expecting to see Callum sleeping there but the bed was empty.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Just then, a firework went off outside which caused Callum to let out a small shriek, and that's when Ben spotted him curled up in the corner, shaking vigorously.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">"NO! NO, NO, NO!" He sobbed, breaking down all over again.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Ben quickly rushed over to his distressed boyfriend and sat next to him on the floor, pulling the shaking man into his arms and refusing to let go, even when Callum yelled at him and tried to push him away.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He understood that Callum wasn't aware of his surroundings. He understood that the frightened man was seeing things, and that he wasn't aware of who it was that was holding him or where he actually was. He was in a trance.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Ben could tell he was having flashbacks to the army. These flashbacks were a regular occurrence for Callum, so he knew what to look out for and what to do in these situations.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">"She's dead! She's dead and it's all my fault!" Callum cried, pushing on Ben's chest in an attempt to break free from his grip but Ben only held on tighter – not enough to hurt him but enough to keep him in place.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">"Callum, Cal, listen to me. C'mon, I know you're in there somewhere. It's me, Ben. Just listen to my voice, yeah?" He spoke softly but clearly, bringing Callum's head to his chest and cradling it close.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Another firework went off outside causing Callum to jump, unintentionally whacking his head against Ben's chin as he did so. Ben winced, but ignored the pain in order to help Callum because he was far more important.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">"Callum, baby, I'm gonna need you to listen to me. Please. I've got you, you're okay. Everything's gonna be okay." He soothed, pressing several soft kisses to the top of his head.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He listened as Callum's breathing started to steady, still quite shaky but nowhere near as laboured as before. He figured that maybe he was getting through to him.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">There hadn't been any fireworks for about a minute and he was praying that this was it now.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">"W-Where am I? ...Hello? Someone help me." Callum whined, snuggling closer to Ben subconsciously.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">"It's okay, darlin', I've got you. You're okay, I promise." He soothed, gently running his fingers through Callum's damp, messy hair.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">"B-B-Ben, is- is that you?" The taller man asked, lifting his head to look up at Ben through tired, sad, red-rimmed eyes.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He looked rough. Ben knew just from looking at him that he must've been in that panicked state for quite some time. He looked exhausted and run-down.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">"Yeah, darlin', it's just me. Are you okay now?" He asked, bringing his hand down to caress Callum's face.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">When he felt the dampness on his cheeks and under his eyes, he frowned, wiping the tears away with the sleeves of his jumper.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">"I-I think so. What happened? Did I have another um...episode?" He asked quietly, clearly embarrassed at the mere thought.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Ben frowned. He didn't need to be embarrassed. It wasn't his fault, was it?</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">"M'afraid so, darlin'. It's okay though, you don't need to be embarrassed. It's not your fault, ok? It's not. So don't even try telling me that it is." He said, sternly but softly.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">A tone that only Ben seemed to be able to perfect.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Callum nodded slowly, gulping silently. He hated being like this. So vulnerable. So...weak. He couldn't stand it. Why couldn't he just be normal?</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">"I uh...how long was I um...y'know." He coughed awkwardly, his previously pale cheeks now tinted a warm shade of pink.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">"I'm not sure, love. I came home and you weren't answering me so I came in here and there you were. I don't know if it was the fireworks that set it off or if they just made it worse, but you were talking about the army." He explained, tangling his fingers in Callum's hair once again and gently massaging his scalp.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">"O-Oh...I'm sorry." The elder of the two frowned, picking at the already damaged skin around his nails until the skin was red and raw. Ben sighed sadly.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">"Don't apologise, darlin'. It's not your fault. If anyone should be sorry it's me. I'm sorry I wasn't home sooner. I should've realised you'd get scared by the fireworks and-" Callum cut the younger man off by leaning up and pressing a quick, chaste kiss to his lips.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">"Ben, you do so much for me already. You don't need to come rushing to my rescue every time I have an episode, and you certainly don't need to leave work early just because I can't handle a few fireworks. You're here now, aren't ya? And that's all that matters." He said, smiling weakly.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">"I guess so. I just worry about ya. I always worry about ya. And not just because of your PTSD either. I just love you so much and I don't ever want you to be sad. Ever." Ben sighed, bringing Callum's hand up to his lips and pressing soft, feathery kisses to his knuckles.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">"I know. I know you worry about me. I just...I just don't want you to. I-I'm not worth any tears or- or upset. You should be living your life, focusing on yourself and your daughter but instead, you're cooped up in the flat all the time making sure I'm not going to hurt myself. I'm a massive burden-"</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">"Baby...you are not a burden. You're my everything. I love you so much and I just want you to be safe and happy. I don't ever want you to think that I do these things because I have to. I do these things because I want to. I want to help you." He reassured, showering his face with kisses.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">"And don't worry about Lexi, ok? I still see her at least twice a week, don't I? She's at school five times a week and some weeks I'm at work every single day. It's always been this way. Nothing's changed." He added, bringing Callum's head to his shoulder and cradling him close.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">"Do you promise? I don't want my problems to get in the way of you and your little girl. She needs you, Ben." Callum sighed, burying his face in Ben's neck.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Ben gently stroked the back of his head, his fingers softly grazing his neck just where his hair stopped.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">"I promise you, darlin', she's okay. She's got Lola, Jay, mum, Bobby and even Ian. You've got Stuart and Rainie, whose only interests are snogging each other's faces off and fucking as loud as humanly possible." He cringed.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Despite everything, Callum actually laughed at that one. Ben wasn't wrong.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Ben smiled fondly. He loved Callum's laugh. It was one of his favourite sounds in the world.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">"As long as you're sure. Now, can we go to bed? We don't have to sleep. I just wanna cuddle. I gave myself a bit of a headache with all the crying." Callum said sheepishly.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Ben lifted Callum's head so they were sat face to face and smiled, leaning up to press a loving kiss to his forehead.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">"Of course, gorgeous. C'mon, get up and pop your butt on that bed. I won't be long." He said, kissing his boyfriend on the cheek before untangling their bodies and standing up.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">"W-Wait, where are you going? Please don't leave me." Callum panicked, springing up from the floor and throwing his arms around his boyfriend's neck.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Ben chuckled softly, wrapping his arms around Callum's torso and leaning up to press a soft kiss to his lips.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It was quite difficult trying to comfort him standing up due to their height difference, but he managed.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">"I'm just gonna get you some water and paracetamol, babe. I ain't going nowhere, I promise." He reassured, sliding his hand down Callum's arm until it found its place in his hand.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He then gave his hand a light squeeze and kissed him on the cheek before exiting the room.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Callum closed his eyes and took a deep breath in then out, trying his best to keep himself calm and collected.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> <em>Ben isn't going anywhere. He's just going to the kitchen. He isn't leaving you all on your own. He wouldn't do that to you.</em> </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">With those things in mind, he removed his shirt and climbed into bed, crawling under the covers before resting his head on his pillow and closing his eyes.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> <em>You're going to be okay. Ben's going to look after you. You don't need to worry about a thing. Everything's going to be okay.</em> </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Callum let out a long, heavy sigh, curling into himself a little as he awaited Ben's return.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He had to convince himself that everything was going to be okay, even if he wasn't sure. Otherwise he'd send himself into a complete frenzy and nobody wanted that.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">When Ben returned with the water and paracetamol and found Callum curled up under the covers with his back turned to him, he frowned.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He could only hope that he hadn't upset him by leaving him alone. It may have only been a couple of minutes, but that was enough time for Callum to send himself into a panic.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Ben knocked lightly on the open door, not wanting to startle Callum by talking to him all of a sudden. Callum turned to look at him, giving him a small nod of acknowledgment before turning back around.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">"Babe? Are you okay?" He asked as he slowly approached the bed, placing the glass of water on the nightstand along with two paracetamol.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Callum nodded but still didn't turn around.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">"Mhm. Just tired and achey." He said bluntly, his tone completely devoid of any emotion. Ben frowned when he realised Callum was distancing himself again.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">"Well, the paracetamol will help with the pain and then you can go to sleep if ya want." He said, getting nothing but a nod and a small "mhm" in response.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Callum hadn't been the same since the kidnap. It had brought back all his memories from the army and triggered his PTSD, and ever since, he'd simply been a shell of the person he once was.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">If he wasn't in a constant state of panic, he was detached, distant and only gave short, blunt responses.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Ben, of course, understood that it wasn't his fault, but it didn't stop him from being upset about it. He just wanted Callum back. This wasn't his Callum, this was a new Callum.</span>
</p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">"You still up for that cuddle?" He asked warily. Callum nodded but didn't respond this time. </span> <span class="s1">Ben smiled sadly, getting into bed and crawling under the covers, shifting closer to Callum and spooning him.</span></p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Callum may have been a lot taller than Ben but he loved being the little spoon. It made him feel safe and protected, especially when he'd had his episodes.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">"I know you're sad, Callum, but I'm here for ya, ok? I'm gonna help ya, I promise." He said, pressing a soft kiss to the back of Callum's neck.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Callum's lips twitched upwards slightly but he couldn't bring himself to properly smile.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">"I love you, Ben." He said softly, almost in a whisper as he reached back and felt around for Ben's hand, grabbing it once he'd found it and giving it a small squeeze.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Ben smiled fondly, giving Callum's hand a light squeeze in return before resting their conjoined hands on the older man's hip.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">"I love you too, Cal." He whispered, shuffling closer and burying his face in the back of Callum's neck, wanting to feel as close to his boyfriend as humanly possible.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">They laid like that for a while, the only sound that filled the room being the faint sound of their relaxed breathing.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">After a while, Ben started to trace random shapes into the warm skin of Callum's back as a way of comfort, while Callum struggled to stay awake.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He'd completely worn himself out with all the crying once again. He wondered if these episodes would ever stop, or at least become easier to manage.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He was constantly tired, whether it be mentally, physically or both, and he hated living his life this way.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He missed the old Callum; the happy, fun-spirited Callum; the Callum who, when knocked down, got himself straight back up again and dusted himself off.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He laid there lost in his own thoughts for quite some time, Ben noticing that he was a bit dazed out and pressing dozens of soft kisses to his back and shoulders.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">"Babe?" Ben whispered, carefully tucking a bit of overgrown hair behind Callum's ear.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">"Yeah?" Callum replied, finally turning his head to look at his boyfriend.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Ben gently rubbed his thumb over Callum's forehead, smoothing over the stress wrinkle that had formed from all the tensing he'd been doing.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">"You're going to work your way through this, alright? I'm here to help ya every step of the way, I promise." He said softly, leaning up a little to press a loving kiss to his forehead.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Callum let out a small, sad sigh. He loved Ben and he appreciated his efforts to comfort him, but there was no way he was going to work his way through this. At least, he didn't think so.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">"Uh, I don't think so." He said, sighing sadly. Ben frowned at this. Callum really had lost all hope, hadn't he?</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">"You will. Trust me. It'll take time of course, but you will make it out the other end. I know you will." Ben reassured, gently stroking his thumb over Callum's cheekbone.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Callum smiled weakly. He didn't believe that he would ever get through this, but he appreciated the encouragement.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He didn't feel like he deserved Ben; he was too caring, too loving. Callum didn't feel like he deserved that kind of treatment.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">But he was so unbelievably glad to have someone like Ben by his side. He adored that man. He was his whole world.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">"Thank you, babe." He said softly, tilting Ben's chin upwards a little bit so he could press a chaste kiss to his lips.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">"That's alright, darlin'. But you don't need to thank me, ok? It's my job as your boyfriend to love and support you no matter what." The younger man grinned, stealing another kiss from his gorgeous boyfriend.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">"Well you're the best boyfriend ever, that's for sure. No one's doing it like you. You're the best of the best." Callum smiled.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It was his first proper, genuine smile since Ben got home and Ben couldn't help but smile with him. Callum truly had the most infectious smile.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">"You, Callum...are the loveliest bloke I've ever met. I don't know how I got so lucky." Ben sighed, littering Callum's neck and jaw with soft, feathery kisses.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Callum hummed contentedly, closing his eyes and enjoying the feeling of having Ben's lips on his neck.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">"I love you, Ben." He smiled, tangling their fingers together once again and giving Ben's hand a light squeeze.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Ben smiled in return, bringing Callum's hand up to his lips and pressing a soft kiss to the top of it. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I love you too, baby. More than you will ever know." He grinned, burying his face in Callum's neck and snuggling as close to him as possible.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Before either of them knew it, they were fast asleep in each other's arms, pills and water completely forgotten about on the nightstand.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The only sound that filled the room was the sound of their slow, steady breathing.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Neither Ben nor Callum had a single care or worry in the world now that they were asleep. This was their time to relax and forget about everything for a while.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Nothing and no one could hurt them when they were tangled up in bed together. As long as they had each other, they were safe.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
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